Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize