As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
