Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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