Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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