Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
