She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
