oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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