Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize