Will you blow on my dice?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
