he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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