Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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