I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
