my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
