im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
