Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize