..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
