I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
