I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
