It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
