chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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