His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
