PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
