yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
