apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
