You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
