No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
