the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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