Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
