well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
