You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
