So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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