i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
