i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
