She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
