this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize