In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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