I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
