I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
