pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
