no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
