a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
