im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
