i wish there were pregnant emoticons
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
