Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
