I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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