and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
