New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
send nudes
from the living room?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
