what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
