:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
