people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
