Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
