So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
