I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
