no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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