The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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