I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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