So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
