im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize