just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
