I cockslap morals
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
