My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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