just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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