I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
