omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
