Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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