he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
