I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
