you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
